Since I am on the topic of regrets, I saw that Star Wars Episode 1 is back in theaters for it’s 25th anniversary. I wish I had truly asked you to go see it with me because I would then have had a couple more weeks of dating you. Then again, you may have said “no” for real and I may not have been bold enough to try again. Either way, it’s nearly impossible to believe that we started dating 25 years ago. As Burke and I were cleaning out the garage a couple of weeks ago, I came across a container that had a bunch of your stuff in it and found a box that contained the cards you and I gave each other when we first start dating and a little past the time after we got married. Thank you for saving these. This was divine timing as I needed a reminder of what our love for each other was like.

I followed a trail today that was both unexpected and beautiful. It felt like I was continuing our dance with life while holding you in my heart instead of my arms.

My hope is that, eventually, I will look at the puzzle and see that the missing piece has been filled with all of the beautiful memories that myself and the kids have of Teresa. Her beauty. Her sense of humor. Her courage. Her dedication. Her love. Her devotion. Her giving 100% to everything that she did. Her garden. Her cooking. Her gifts. Her work. Her caring.

As the boys and I continue to till the soil of our lives and continue planting new memories as a family we are discovering that, while Teresa isn’t here physically, her love – the nutrient that helped create such strong family roots for us – is here. Her love is with us and is continuing to help us grow stronger as individuals and, more importantly, as a family. Teresa’s love for the kids continues to give them the light and room that they need to flourish and find the space they need in life. Teresa’s love for the kids provides them with a trellis when they need help finding the purchase they need to continue their climb to adulthood. Teresa’s love for the kids is and will continue to be.

Since that day I’ve dreamt of you a number of times. There is always a moment in the dream where I realize that I am with you and I’m overcome with the need to hug you and tell you how much I love you; to tell you these things and hold you so tightly so that you know, so that you know I always loved you and alway will. I cry every time because part of me knows this moment is fleeting.

I like to think, though, that there is some part of me that is actually hugging some part of you, and that you hear me tell you how much I love you.